How’s it going so far?
The new year has already had its challenges for me, but this is how it was last year. I know I am not alone in this considering what’s happening in California right now. After disasters, we come face to face with how to move on. No matter the struggle, we can still welcome transformation in our minds, however slow we pick up the pieces.
My thinking is healthier, and my faith is grounded. The last few years have been full of self-discovery influencing some digital products that I am finishing up. These guides and resources are for assisting anyone in their own journey of integrating their health or understanding their loved ones’ health after trauma.
Faith
Integrating my health as a survivor is exhausting. I was so drained that it used to be difficult thinking for myself. I was unaware of what spiritual abuse looked like. Any abuse for that matter, since I had been exposed to it for so long. I was also unaware of how it was affecting my relationship with God, as well as my overall health and wellbeing.
Lately, the Lord has been showing me more about forgiveness. We must forgive “up to seventy times seven!” (Matthew 18:21-22). What does forgiveness really mean or feel like though? Survivors’ bodies and minds are hijacked by the trauma, so feeling or understanding the concept of forgiveness is usually foreign. At least this was my case. What if you grew up in criticism or judgement, so you don’t know what that looks like? What if you are unaware if your trauma is influencing your situation?
Forgiveness has always been challenging for me. It was taught in a chaotic environment often being forced to forgive before I understood or had time to process what I felt in the situation. I was wired to believe that forgiveness was setting aside how the situation hurt you and letting the other people escape accountability because that was “the Christian thing to do.” I didn’t realize that my understanding of forgiveness was impacting my overall health or wellbeing negatively, either.
Health
If someone chooses to forgive, that person must understand what that entails for the physical body. Forgiveness implies that someone sinned against another person or hurt them in some way. When hurt or pain is experienced in the body, a physical or an emotional injury is most likely the explanation for the physiological changes that occur when someone offends another.
So, if someone recovering from trauma is experiencing this, it might send a signal of danger to their brain. For me, I had to learn about what happened to me, build up an understanding of how my mind protects me, and realize my health needed certain support before I experienced the freedom that forgiveness could offer.
Wellness
It took about 11 isolating years of active reflection, formal and informal guidance from professionals, and almost all my savings to understand what happened to me and what my body really needed so that I could be free and forgive. “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free”, (John 8:32).
I needed to FEEL the effect of the events, process the pain, grieve it, understand that this is an ongoing journey of healing and then the feeling of freedom from the pain of that event or that person settles in over time. This can lead to true wellbeing and part of the good news of being a believer.
It is not easy to realize that forgiveness is something you struggle with, either. For many years I thought I didn’t struggle with it because I acted like it didn’t bother me. For a while, I didn’t realize the façade I was living in to just be okay. “Acted” really meant dissociated away from the pain into a version of myself “the good Christian.” That kind of forgiveness, managed from the subconscious, will wreck your wellbeing, as it did mine.
In my experience, part of living well meant rethinking what forgiveness meant, how it affected me, and connecting to the freedom in Christ that’s offered in practicing it. I could not do this without understanding how the trauma restructured my thought patterns. I’m so thankful for how patient our Lord is.
I hope everyone’s 2025 is starting off with a healthy perspective. I pray that the Lord increases and equips faith in everyone within the body of Christ.
Thanks for tuning in. Stay hopeful and until we meet again, God Bless!